Sometimes total closure isn’t really the greatest thing (At least for me it ain’t)

It’s been a couple of hours/days since My Chemical Romance broke up and I’m still pretty devastated and I’m still pretty upset. I’m still feeling every emotion I know, and it’s not that great. 0/100. Would not recommend.

The reality is moving in a slow burn and I’m not really appreciative of that sort of feeling. I need the shock value to take a hike since I have a midterm to study for. I digress to say that instead of studying hard, I’m whining about a band that will never know of my existence… LOOK AT MY LIFE CHOICES.

Now, despite the fact that Gerard Way wrote that letter of closure, I’m not really feeling it’s jive. I’m not really feeling it’s closure, I’m not feeling much of anything really. It was beautifully written and brought out a smile here and there but still come on… It was a letter of MCR’s end.

The thing is that MCR is quite literally gone. No more shenanigans, no more interviews, no more merch, no more concerts, and no more fifth album (I was really looking forward to the elusive fifth album, guys). This isn’t comics in which characters make a come back in a millisecond, or that deaths and disappearances of said characters are left open ended and we always have a tiny glimmer of hope. Alas, this is real life and when something is gone it stays that way. And that’s where the slow burn starts to pick up the pace and I start to feel like I’m at a funeral.

But I digress again, in retrospect MCR didn’t do a lot for me, actually. I wasn’t a troubled child looking for solace nor was I a rock head. MCR didn’t save me from anything, it was just actually the FIRST ever music video I witnessed when cable TV reached the shores of sunny Malaysia. And that was it, that was the sentimental value of the band to me. It was my FIRST band and the rest should be pretty self explanatory.

To be brutally honest, I would have preferred to live in band breakup limbo. To forever be plagued by rumors and Reddit. To always have hope. That letter if closure was like my double edged sword. It was nice to know what happened, it was great to know that they’re leaving on good terms, it wasn’t all that wonderful when MCR’s end was confirmed.

Nonetheless, I want to give everyone involved in MCR a great cheer for future success and maybe hope for a point in time when they can make music together again. Probably not, but hey scram, I’m pouring my heart out here.

My heart still feels the cold air of abandonment, and it’ll take a while to come full circle and accept the hard truth. Until that time comes, I have a midterm to desecrate and a Batman #18 variants order I have to worry for and that’s pretty much all that I have to say.

P.S. AND UGH 10EVER AT THE ELUSIVE FIFTH ALBUM.

It’s always a little surreal when I tell people I can actually draw, or when I look at my shelf and see my legion of used/semi-used/I actually bought it but never used it sketchbooks. It’s like I know I can draw, but I guess I just lost the feeling of it.

The feeling of drawing something really great and unexpected.

However… I’ve never really experienced it. Actually I just dream and think about it, but never had the time to finally fit it into my busy reality. I just never had the time or the patience to keep up, really.

I just can’t wait until every midterm has ended and maybe I’ll try to arrange my time properly. Maybe…

Because I should really start thumbnail-ing for MotorComic too… Yikes.

Sometimes…

I like to keep my rants as vague as possible…

Sometimes we do things that we never intended to do…

Sometimes we mess up when we initially planned to succeed…

Sometimes we are cruel to each other…

Sometimes we get hurt…

Sometimes we hurt others…

Sometimes we go too far…

Sometimes we don’t mean the things we say…

And sometimes… I just want to strangle everyone I know, but that’s just me…

Today, a little before class started, I heard some of my “homebruhs” talking about the professor. Now, my professor’s a good man, a priest, a cool dude, and very international. He was born in a “not-a-bed-of-roses” place, and then he was moved to another “much better, hooray for the opportunity” place when he was very young. I know this because he told us at the very first day of Spring semester.

Now, I’m certain everyone meant it as a joke but I distinctly recalled my homebruhs saying that our professor is really high-up on the whole fact that he lived in said better country, and that he should stop pretending that he’s like a native of that said better country. And I for one, was deeply offended and maybe a little shocked at why they would even say that.

Here’s the part I go all social-justice bumhole, and rant for what might be a couple more paragraphs…

The professor originated from a pretty tough country, he went into a boarding school, and was pretty much transferred to a “better” place. Though he regards his original country as his true background/home, and though we all know it, does that give us the right to judge someone’s own assumed identity? I think not.

If you live in a place long enough, eventually that place takes over you. Sometimes you’ll assimilate, and sometimes you won’t. It’s personal preference. It’s like Russian Roulette. What if the other place is better than the original place that you were born? What if the original place held nothing but bad memories, and a desire to move on and out? The thing is that our “home” and our “culture” is not garnered from where we’re born from. No, I believe that our “home” and “culture” is garnered from where we want it to be from. To be cheesy, “home is where the heart is.”

I feel like I have failed in illustrating the issue on how we should take into regard a person’s backstory and jsut the person AS A WHOLE before we start saying things. But I just needed to write it out before the mood was gone. And by mood, and mean my sheer “irkiness” today. Maybe I’ll come back to this post and rewrite it when I have the free time…

But until then, it really doesn’t matter if he was from the East and “acts” like he’s from the West. If the West gave him the appreciation he deserved, and if he’s lived there for the majority of his life, why can’t he “act” like it’s home? It’s his choice, and he should be entitled to do whatever he wants without subjugation of how we perceive his cray backstory.

Malaysian Games & Comics Convention. 19th - 20th May, 2012.

Also known as the day I got to meet Leinil Yu, Billy Tan, Carlo Pagulayan, and Tan Eng Huat. And when my heart skipped a beat… for several hours.

It’s not possible to condense all the feelings during that con, but in an attempt: it was nothing but an honor to meet such big names in the industr—— what am I saying?! I ALMOST DIED.

And on another note, I also drew them painstaking last-minute fanart (BUT THOUGH IT WAS HARD, THE OUTCOME WAS WORTH IT.) in an attempt minimize my absolute creepiness and awkward breathing when I met them…

And here’s a picture of that:Is it okay to say that I got a free print from Billy Tan, too? Also… extra special items from all four of them… Super special, actually.

To think that I would’ve missed out if my friend, Zend didn’t tell me about it two days prior? HEAVEN FORBID THE OUTCOME THAT WOULD SPUR.

(Source: absterisk)

Earth’s Mightiest Hero Substitutes.

Because reasons; if I was going to watch Avengers a 3rd time, drastic measures needed to be taken. In a crowded mall. On a Sunday.

Next up is Men In Black 3, WITH SUITS.

(Source: absterisk)

Funlight hour.

A time that stretches into the depths of the night in which logic does not apply, AND NEITHER DO LOWER CASE LETTERS.

IT IS ALSO A TIME WHEN SHAWARMA IS KING, AND LOKI IS A RHINOCEROS BEETLE. As seen here.

This is a recording submitted to Abigail’s Compendium Of Nonsense dated on a Sunday (May 6th), at 2:26 AM.

Did I ever mention that I was a sub for the Avengers while they were busy being filmed? (Taken with instagram)